Little Battles

The Inside Joke: Years ago Hubby fixed a balogna, lettuce and tomato sandwich. He'd asked me if I wanted one and I said no. It just didn't sound good at the time. When he sat beside me to eat said sandwich, it began to look awfully tasty. I politely asked for a bite and he graciously let me take a bite. By the time the sandwich was gone, I'd eaten nearly half of the yummy concoction. Ever since then, when he fixes something and asks me if I want one, I say, "No, I'll just take a bite of yours." We both know the risk.

The Set Up:  One evening last week Hubby fixed a balogna and tomato sandwich.  I was giving him grief about how it needed lettuce and how if it had lettuce, I'd want one, too.  He took that to mean that because we didn't have lettuce to put on the sandwich, I didn't want a sandwich so he made one lone sandwich.  Hubby sat next to me and proceeded to eat the entire sandwich without even asking me if I wanted a bite.

The Discussion:  The disappearance of the sandwich led to a conversation discussing whether or not he'd asked me if I wanted a sandwich and the art of conversation.  Specifically: 1)  After swearing a couple of times that he had asked me, he admitted he had not actually uttered the words, "Would you like a sandwich?" and 2)  He had made assumptions from things said or not said that I didn't want a sandwich or even a bite of the sandwich.

The Outcome:  After realizing what we were arguing about and curiously eyeballing Hubby for a few seconds while he ignored my stare, I asked him if he realized we'd just wasted 30 minutes of our precious time together bickering over a balogna sandwich.  He looked at me and we smiled.

For better or worse, conversations between people that have been married for nearly 35 years include actually saying what you're thinking; listening to what the other is saying or pretending to listen; waiting for replies; and yes, right or wrong, we make some assumptions. There are times we do know what the other is thinking.  There are times we finish sentences for each other.  Or one of us will say something the other had just been thinking.  It's kinda spooky.  It's also special in that lovey-dovey kind of way.  In this particular instance though, I wish Hubby would have assumed that I really wanted a bite of that sandwich!